I am so rarely satisfied with myself. I recently came upon that old truth about how people treat themselves way worse than their friends or even strange people. I most certainly do that. I think that if I’d get a Nobel prise I’d still tell myself that I could have done more. But I’m very far from actually doing something very worthwhile. (See previous sentence, for example.)

Well, today I made a goblin. And he’s a diva. First thing he did was snatch up something I embroidered a long time ago thinking it would be a gift to one certain person. Now that the goblin refuses to part with it, I guess I’ll give him with the embroidery.

The next thing he did, after taking ownership of what is now hes scarf, was make me take pictures of him. First a close-up of his daydreaming expression.

Notice that his eyes are actually buttons from a broken game controller. And since he perceives with his insides (made from the packaging of a monitor) he doesn’t mind people pressing his button-eyes. Sometimes it is a quite satisfying feeling, to press a goblins button-eye.

Next he did a cute pose…

A slow spin…

And then a sexy walk away from the camera.

Show-off. Now all that’s left for me to do is make an awesome gift box to put this day’s work into, and give him to the appropriate authorities, t.i. the person the toy-scarf thing was meant for.

Since before I started regularly using the Internet I was taught the Internet equivalent of “do not take candy from strangers” – don’t post on the Internet anything you don’t want someone to see, because everyone (including that someone) can and are likely to see it. This means that before I post something, I think, that my mom will see it, also my boss, my friends and everyone else who I know or don’t know. If I decide it’s ok for them to see it, I go ahead and post it.

The rebel me wants to be daring sometimes, so I flirted with the idea of putting on a tight dress or something and make some sexy pictures and post them. I’m as pretty as the next girl, and since it was something that I thought was the kind of thing people usually don’t want everyone else in the world to see, I figured it would be a rare
enough occurrence to make me a bit outstanding, exceptional. Especially because I consider myself someone with a “good girl” reputation.

Well, again and again I see I’m wrong. Many of my “good girl” school-mates are posting lame slutty pictures in mini dresses, tight pants, on the hoods of cars and all other kinds of cliché „sexy” photos. Most of them are not very good. So much for being original. I’m glad I never did it, because I doubt I would have made any better pictures on my own.

So unless I want to be hired as a model or someone who get hired for their curves, I’ll refrain from sitting on car hoods in mini-dresses and hugging bikes in skinny jeans. For now I guess the only sexy picture I would be willing to post on the Internet would be one for http://wetriffs.com/ (from the makers of XKCD and that would have to be an excellent piece of art too.

The New Year has come and gone and so has the holiday season before that. It left me unfulfilled and unhappy. I had been sick too much of the time, too lazy some of the time and moody and unrested, and… Well, you get the idea. I took consolation in that a really entartaining blogger had it worse, because at least I spent all the time with my Love and my parents without involving grandmothers who can be difficult at times. Well, actually apart from the having a bad cold part, my holidays weren’t that bad. Still, they weren’t great either and it took me a walk in a park to lift my mood.

The winter here and now is cold (unplesantly so, but bearably) and beautiful. I’d like to say how beautiful, except I’m not sure how mesure it. Perhaps I can say it’s so beautiful, that it makes me smile despite the cold air getting in my mouth and hurting my teeth and making me cough as a result. In the morning the air is strange, kind of pensive, lingering. Everything is covered in perfect whiteness that sparkles. Still the sun didn’t hurt my eyes like the summer one does when it’s all bright and reflects of everywhere. Maybe it was because it was low and didn’t shine down on the whiteness. The most beautiful thing of all in this are the trees. Every branch covered in snow they look like giant depictios of snowflakes. Not so geometrical and equal angled, with black lines to stress the white shine they stretched up in the blue of the sky. If my English was better, I could go on and on describing the magical beauty of it all.

So I am feeling quite better, still, I don’t manage to do as much as I’d like to having to blow my nose all the time and getting a headache from that and everything. When I find that the lovely woman from Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds feels just like me, and I guess we love what we can identify with.  Not just with the lousy holiday and the needing a kick part, but mostly with not being able to gether herself to do something she wants to do, about not wanting to be imperfect at doing it. Her thing is yoga, I don’t care for yoga, but the idea is the same. I don’t want to do some things that  I want to do, because I will make mistakes at them and I will have to learn them the hard way – by making mistakes and then practising in order not to make mistakes. I’ve put so many things I want to do down because of this, that I’m not sure which one I could call upon now, to illustrate. (Hah, turns out I mentioned all of them in my firtst post on this blog, which is all about this.) I kind of blame my education system for this, because we were not pushed enough, we were not required to do much for ourselves, except listen to the wise teacher, take notes and repeat the stuff. But seeing how others in other education systems feel the same, it might just be me (and her).